Sunday, June 20, 2010

In Which I Rant

“Vegans”
I could go on for days. Let me break it down, real nice and simple.
  • If someone were to go on any kind of diet (low sodium, low fat, high fiber, kosher, cannibalistic, etc) it would be incredibly annoying and redundant if that person filled up your Facebook homepage/Twitter feed/Tumblr dashboard/conversation with details on their latest meal and how it’s suited to their dietary needs. What someone eats is their own goddamned business, so therefore, I do not want to hear that you just munched down some vegan snack item, or you are planning a vegan potluck (which usually consists of junk food manufactured and distributed by the same conglomerates who make other products that DO contain animals/animal parts, but just happen to be vegan because they are loaded with artificial preservatives and other space chemicals). I am all for sharing vegan recipes and having genuine conversations about how harmful animal products are to the human body, but if the person I am talking to is eating an Oreo, I won’t be able to focus because I’ll be laughing. Even the occasional, “Oh I just had a delicious vegan (fill in the blank)” or “(name of restaurant) is really fucking tasty” is FINE. But the constant vegan this, vegan that, vegan, vegan, vegan, VEGAN is just obnoxious and makes me want to commit very non-vegan acts of violence.
  • Knowing that veganism is a trend right now means that is won’t be a trend in a few years, or however long it takes to die out, because trends by nature, end. Of course there will still be vegans, animal friendly restaurants, and hopefully, new innovations, but the sea of kids that are flocking towards this beacon of “authentic” light are not going to be there to be a part of it. Those who will have moved on will have done so because one of their friends told them they should or they got sick because they didn’t put any effort into maintaining a well balanced diet. Animal consumption will resume because the teenage “revolutionaries” will be tired.
  • And because it is a trend, I fear that those who are becoming vegan are doing so for all the wrong, narcissistic reasons. Yeah, vegan restaurants tend to attract some blandly good looking bearded men. However, becoming a vegan so that you may eat at this restaurant and possibly strike up a conversation about animal liberation (you heard some one use this term once, and you aren’t quite sure what it entails, so instead of working it into a logical argument you talk about how cute cows and chickens are) does not count as a valid reason for making a life altering decision.
  • I choose not to eat animal flesh because it is terrible for my digestive system, makes me feel tired and gross, and because it’s incredibly taxing on the environment. I also avoid anything with gelatin in it because the idea of anything derived from “hooves” makes me wince. Recently, I’ve abandoned eggs and dairy too due to their high cholesterol levels and their antibiotic/hormone contamination. I’ve been avoiding milk because I’m mildly lactose intolerant, but I’ve still been eating yogurt and cheese. It’s more of an experiment right now, to see if my body prefers to live completely off animal byproducts or if it’s more suited to the occasional smearing of goat cheese (vegetable rennet of course) on freshly baked bread. I spend countless hours joyfully searching out new products and recipes in order to accommodate my dietary decision in a way that is cost effective and beneficial for my whole family. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I put a lot of thought and effort into my diet. What I choose to eat and where I choose to shop are not choices I take lightly. I enjoy the food that’s in my life because it’s delicious and it makes me feel good (also helped me lose thirty pounds, no big deal). Trendy vegans, “vendies” if you will, typically don’t have a solid reason behind doing what they’re doing. They may say that they love animals, or something vague about the environment but it’s usually obvious that they are abstaining from meat, eggs, and dairy because they are on a hip whim. And they typically don’t abstain for more than a week or two. Maybe three.
  • I won’t call myself a vegan because I know that it’s likely I will eat a little bit of cheese, or bake something that requires eggs (cage free, organic) sometime in the distant future. I eat what I want and I don’t brag about it or talk about it unless asked, or in this case, provoked. If others would do the same, I would be less likely to roll my eyes and say of course every time I hear this (cause it totally happens all the time)
“Yeah, so I’m a vegan now.”
“Oh really? For how long?”
“It’s been about four days now I think? I’m getting kind of hungry though. My mom doesn’t know how to make tofu, so I’ve just been stockpiling Oreo cream in a little Ziploc bag in my bedroom. Then some ants got to it and I had to raid those little fuckers. I fucking hate bugs.”
“Aren’t bugs technically animals? Do you ever feel like a hypocrite when you kill one? I mean, I know I would.”
“Huh?”
“Nevermind. So why did you choose to become vegan again?”
“Well my friend got hired at this vegan place and he’s been sneaking us out food for free. But he got fired recently for showing up hungover like ninety percent of his shifts.  That had a great impact on my decision. I liked the free food, so I figured why not? Also, I’ve really been feeling connected to animals lately. I couldn’t bring myself to eat one. It’s  probably because I own a cat.”
“Isn’t your mom always bugging you to feed it though? You told me you hated that thing.”
“Yeah, well she takes a cute picture. So have you ever considered being a vegan? We should do brunch sometime.”
“I have considered it, but right now I just don’t want to risk my health due to bad planning or-“
“You know that is really selfish of you. I’m sorry, but there are animals dying. And you, you are responsible.”
“I don’t know how you’d like me to respond to that.”
“Yeah, whatever. I have to go anyways. My blood sugar is dangerously low and I need some Oreos.”

11 comments:

  1. Oh yes those who call themselves either vegan or vegetarians. I have one of those "friends" who is vegetarian...now he says he wants to be vegan. To me I feel that its more of an attention seeking thing because he posts countless of status on facebook that are about how he ate a vegan meal or something like that. He is a big animal right activist, yet I am sure he doesn't even know that poptarts are made from animal parts. so many things out there are made from animal parts.

    I know I wont eat meat due to the fact my body basically rejects it...I get sick. I'm not vegan. It would be hard to be and I dont have the time to go and search for vegan foods.

    but I have to agree its a trend.

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  2. I'm a vegetarian for a number of reasons, both personal (digestive, just feel bloated and awful eating meat), as well as global (footprint, mainly, due to the huge costs of farming meat; as well as animal rights) reasons, but I also believe that humans don't have to stop eating meat as a whole, they just have to be sensible about it.

    I don't have as much of a problem with people eating whole cuts from organic, free-range free-fed animals, or their byproducts like eggs, or cheeses and such. I think the key is to do it sparingly.

    I've been on-and-off veg for almost fourteen years now, and I've seen lots of trends (raw especially messes me up). I grew up vegetarian, too. I eat a lot of vegan food, but I don't think of it like that. I don't think that I could properly meet nutritional requirements as a vegan, either, so I'm not. I hate counting things, too, and vitamins often make me sick to my stomach.

    One of the other things that stops me from eating meat is that I can't stand to prepare it. I don't feel like we should have to sanitize surfaces four times to cook something, and I cannot stand the smell or texture of it.

    The fact that it's a trend is interesting to me, especially since so many people I know say that "you can lose a ton of weight" being vegan, so they try to diet with it. One of the girls in my group at work wound up in the hospital for taking such bad care of herself nutritionally. Scary stuff.

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  3. I love this! This is something I've been thinking about for ages, and was actually the inspiration behind the name of my blog.

    Its so trendy for things to be vegan/organic/gluten free these days that its getting to a point of ridicule.

    You've summed up how I feel perfectly.

    www.organicfairybread.blogspot.com

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  4. I like your blog !!Thank you. They are really great .
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  5. exactly.

    you are a smart cookie and I completely adore this post.

    xxx

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  6. I love this post a lot, I think it is one thing to be a supporter of what you are (i.e. vegan, vegeterian or pescetarian) but another to be pushy about it.

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  7. Huge fan of this post, especially the part with the dialogue about being vegan. :)
    YOU ARE HILARIOUS!

    Keep writing this way, that is what blogspot needs! I'll come back some times... :)

    MaryJane, vegan as well :)

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  8. I love you so much right now.
    Thank you, again, for the beautiful feedback you write on my blog. You are so lovely.

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  9. That was the most comprehensive argument I've ever heard about veganism. My friend has been vegan for seven years and her boyfriend recently decided to join her but didn't think it through (& in my opinion just did it to please her), she never asked him to do it, I didn't even know she was vegan because she doesn't go around preaching halfheartedly to everyone she sees eating meat or dairy products. She's the healthiest person I know, but all I've seen him eat since is junk food basically.

    It's not fair to her because it's belittling the effort, care & thought she's taken over her diet, without rubbing it in peoples faces. But she can't tell him he's doing it wrong because... well it's his diet.

    I don't know. I think the point you make is perfect & I'm in envy of the energy you put into your diet.

    I've also missed reading your posts a hell of a lot. Hi!

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  10. this is brilliant (coming from a pescatarian). well done!!

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