I could go on for days. Let me break it down, real nice and simple.
- If someone were to go on any kind of diet (low sodium, low fat, high fiber, kosher, cannibalistic, etc) it would be incredibly annoying and redundant if that person filled up your Facebook homepage/Twitter feed/Tumblr dashboard/conversation with details on their latest meal and how it’s suited to their dietary needs. What someone eats is their own goddamned business, so therefore, I do not want to hear that you just munched down some vegan snack item, or you are planning a vegan potluck (which usually consists of junk food manufactured and distributed by the same conglomerates who make other products that DO contain animals/animal parts, but just happen to be vegan because they are loaded with artificial preservatives and other space chemicals). I am all for sharing vegan recipes and having genuine conversations about how harmful animal products are to the human body, but if the person I am talking to is eating an Oreo, I won’t be able to focus because I’ll be laughing. Even the occasional, “Oh I just had a delicious vegan (fill in the blank)” or “(name of restaurant) is really fucking tasty” is FINE. But the constant vegan this, vegan that, vegan, vegan, vegan, VEGAN is just obnoxious and makes me want to commit very non-vegan acts of violence.
- Knowing that veganism is a trend right now means that is won’t be a trend in a few years, or however long it takes to die out, because trends by nature, end. Of course there will still be vegans, animal friendly restaurants, and hopefully, new innovations, but the sea of kids that are flocking towards this beacon of “authentic” light are not going to be there to be a part of it. Those who will have moved on will have done so because one of their friends told them they should or they got sick because they didn’t put any effort into maintaining a well balanced diet. Animal consumption will resume because the teenage “revolutionaries” will be tired.
- And because it is a trend, I fear that those who are becoming vegan are doing so for all the wrong, narcissistic reasons. Yeah, vegan restaurants tend to attract some blandly good looking bearded men. However, becoming a vegan so that you may eat at this restaurant and possibly strike up a conversation about animal liberation (you heard some one use this term once, and you aren’t quite sure what it entails, so instead of working it into a logical argument you talk about how cute cows and chickens are) does not count as a valid reason for making a life altering decision.
- I choose not to eat animal flesh because it is terrible for my digestive system, makes me feel tired and gross, and because it’s incredibly taxing on the environment. I also avoid anything with gelatin in it because the idea of anything derived from “hooves” makes me wince. Recently, I’ve abandoned eggs and dairy too due to their high cholesterol levels and their antibiotic/hormone contamination. I’ve been avoiding milk because I’m mildly lactose intolerant, but I’ve still been eating yogurt and cheese. It’s more of an experiment right now, to see if my body prefers to live completely off animal byproducts or if it’s more suited to the occasional smearing of goat cheese (vegetable rennet of course) on freshly baked bread. I spend countless hours joyfully searching out new products and recipes in order to accommodate my dietary decision in a way that is cost effective and beneficial for my whole family. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I put a lot of thought and effort into my diet. What I choose to eat and where I choose to shop are not choices I take lightly. I enjoy the food that’s in my life because it’s delicious and it makes me feel good (also helped me lose thirty pounds, no big deal). Trendy vegans, “vendies” if you will, typically don’t have a solid reason behind doing what they’re doing. They may say that they love animals, or something vague about the environment but it’s usually obvious that they are abstaining from meat, eggs, and dairy because they are on a hip whim. And they typically don’t abstain for more than a week or two. Maybe three.
- I won’t call myself a vegan because I know that it’s likely I will eat a little bit of cheese, or bake something that requires eggs (cage free, organic) sometime in the distant future. I eat what I want and I don’t brag about it or talk about it unless asked, or in this case, provoked. If others would do the same, I would be less likely to roll my eyes and say of course every time I hear this (cause it totally happens all the time)
“Oh really? For how long?”
“It’s been about four days now I think? I’m getting kind of hungry though. My mom doesn’t know how to make tofu, so I’ve just been stockpiling Oreo cream in a little Ziploc bag in my bedroom. Then some ants got to it and I had to raid those little fuckers. I fucking hate bugs.”
“Aren’t bugs technically animals? Do you ever feel like a hypocrite when you kill one? I mean, I know I would.”
“Nevermind. So why did you choose to become vegan again?”
“Well my friend got hired at this vegan place and he’s been sneaking us out food for free. But he got fired recently for showing up hungover like ninety percent of his shifts. That had a great impact on my decision. I liked the free food, so I figured why not? Also, I’ve really been feeling connected to animals lately. I couldn’t bring myself to eat one. It’s probably because I own a cat.”
“Isn’t your mom always bugging you to feed it though? You told me you hated that thing.”
“Yeah, well she takes a cute picture. So have you ever considered being a vegan? We should do brunch sometime.”
“I have considered it, but right now I just don’t want to risk my health due to bad planning or-“
“You know that is really selfish of you. I’m sorry, but there are animals dying. And you, you are responsible.”
“I don’t know how you’d like me to respond to that.”
“Yeah, whatever. I have to go anyways. My blood sugar is dangerously low and I need some Oreos.”