Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i have no fun

it's a simple equation
with no one at the station
how did i expect to go?
stuck in the turnstile
like a scared little child
sticking your tongue out
just makes em go wild

i used to do this thing where i would put unnecessary and egotistical quotation marks around things i had written so people would think i hadn't written them and say "oh wow, where did you find that amazing, insightful bit of words?" and then i would act bashful and "humble" and say "actually, i wrote that." and then the mandatory, "NO!" would follow. it was a silly charade and it reminds me of the little asshole i was when i was twelve and thirteen. i see kids doing similar things today even though they are the same age or older than me and it makes me reflect back so of course i cannot stand their snide visages and self affirmation but it also makes me feel hopeless for the future of any kind of expression because it reduces it to vanity. i'm aware that i am just as shallow as the next fringed vintage barbie at times but when it comes to the true filtration and purification of my soul by way of words or beautiful photographs it is a real and always has been. sometimes that bastard fear just gets in the way.

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